Pulled from my journal
You ever just feel so overwhelmed that the slightest inquiry someone makes about you sends you off on a tangent about how your life is spiraling out if control? Tuh, well that’s been me for the last few weeks and most recently I feel like I said too much and to the wrong person or people for that matter. Like just because someone asks you a question should you answer them truthfully? Meaning if they’re genuinely attempting to pull something out of you, should you be forth right with your thoughts?Understanding that there is a time and place for everything, is it ever a right time to express how you feel when your in an unhappy situation? All these questions come to mind because I’m trying to figure out where I’m going in life and what I want to do. Do I stay in a job that’s literally killing because it pays the bills and offers some sense of security or do I leave and take care of my health? I’ve made strong efforts to change my way of thinking and to remain more positive about my job, but at this point all has been done so at the expense of my health and all the work that I’ve done seems to be for nothing. I’ve asked for guidance from trusted friends, elders, and mentors, and no one has given me one clear cut answer everyone’s response has fallen on one side or there other causing it to constantly be split down the middle. I know the decisions have to be made by me,but damn if this decision making process hasn’t been hard! I’ve prayed about it and I recognize that I have to trust the process, but sometimes I have questions, sometimes I worry that I will make the wrong decision and then I come back to the resolve that if I prayed and asked God to fix what I cannot then I have to step out of the way and let God take over, if I believe as I claim to then I know that God has got it.
When I stopped writing and someone else took over:
There are things about myself that can be changed, there are things that I am actively working on every day but at the same time, just as hard as I am working there are forces going against my onward and upwards progression. What do I do? Should I change the direction I’m looking in? That is after all what I have done before, anytime I was unhappy in a job I left and started afresh somewhere else, found comfort in freeing myself from dead end situations. I need to trust the process and stay the course, while this may not be the time to immediately jump ship, this is the time to get things right! To show and prove through all the adversity and not to let anyone beat me! I am capable of all things, to whom much is given much is required, I am divinely chosen so all things I do are done through God.