I figure now is as good a time as any to talk about jobs and career goals, as I just got home from the day job that bores me to tears, to my night hustle, which I love and doesn’t even feel like work.
Me most nights. Food. Wine. Laptop. Working on some clothes for my site.
I’m a very strong believer in divine order and timing. I’m also a firm believer that God will use the weirdest time to recalibrate your thinking. I had one of those jarring moments this week.
I’m interviewing for this job that I actually want with the company for which I’ve begrudgingly worked for the last 3.5 years. Then some true bullshit happened last week, and was semi confirmed this week. This interview process has been excruciatingly long. All along, I have felt really good about my chances of getting this job, sometimes better than others, but for the most part I’m qualified and I know my shit. The fuckery that happened earlier this week undermined all the hard work I put in during this long ass process. It threw me for a loop and I’ve been warding off some pretty aggressive anxiety.
But even in the midst of the bullshit, I’ve found solace in the little things and have taken the time to recalibrate my thinking. I’ve always wanted to be an entrepreneur. I always have a hustle. It is the one thing that has been consistent my entire life. So this situation reminded me that I have the tools I just have to constantly think of ways to do things better and on a larger scale. It also gave me some immediacy. Whereas I had been thinking “I’ll be working from home, I can wait on ____,” I’m reminded that this shit aint promised (*Bernie Mac voice* look at my face… do I have a promise face??!?!). I need to hustle with the same intensity as I did before this job became a possibility because that’s the ultimate goal.
Dope sign number 2. I had been thinking about talking to a friend about collabing on some shit. She and I kinda want to do the same things, but in different ways. She asked me to go to an event in a far off land (ok, 2 hours away) weeks ago. I wasn’t convinced I really wanted to go. But as I thought about it today, it seemed like the perfect opportunity for us to pow wow. With her looming nuptials, I didn’t want to hassle her but this is perfect. Furthermore, I really have to get the fuck out of this city before I start making unwise decisions. I need to connect with people that are genuine and know me outside of work. She’s one. The unwise decision I’m itching to make is another in a short short line here. So needless to say, I’m going to West Bumble.
Last sign was from a former mentor. I adore her but it came to a point where I felt I was letting her down so I just stopped reaching out. I wanted to get my shit together and not trouble her with all my dumb ideas. I wrote on my calendar that I wanted to reconnect with her by the end of this month. Lo and behold, on Monday she sent me a text (and some business). Can’t get much better.
I say all this to say, through this fucked up turn of events, I was reminded of the end game. I need to take this time to set some goals and get shit done so regardless of how this job turns out. I’ll be ok. I was always going to be ok.
Pulled from my journal
You ever just feel so overwhelmed that the slightest inquiry someone makes about you sends you off on a tangent about how your life is spiraling out if control? Tuh, well that’s been me for the last few weeks and most recently I feel like I said too much and to the wrong person or people for that matter. Like just because someone asks you a question should you answer them truthfully? Meaning if they’re genuinely attempting to pull something out of you, should you be forth right with your thoughts?Understanding that there is a time and place for everything, is it ever a right time to express how you feel when your in an unhappy situation? All these questions come to mind because I’m trying to figure out where I’m going in life and what I want to do. Do I stay in a job that’s literally killing because it pays the bills and offers some sense of security or do I leave and take care of my health? I’ve made strong efforts to change my way of thinking and to remain more positive about my job, but at this point all has been done so at the expense of my health and all the work that I’ve done seems to be for nothing. I’ve asked for guidance from trusted friends, elders, and mentors, and no one has given me one clear cut answer everyone’s response has fallen on one side or there other causing it to constantly be split down the middle. I know the decisions have to be made by me,but damn if this decision making process hasn’t been hard! I’ve prayed about it and I recognize that I have to trust the process, but sometimes I have questions, sometimes I worry that I will make the wrong decision and then I come back to the resolve that if I prayed and asked God to fix what I cannot then I have to step out of the way and let God take over, if I believe as I claim to then I know that God has got it.
When I stopped writing and someone else took over:
There are things about myself that can be changed, there are things that I am actively working on every day but at the same time, just as hard as I am working there are forces going against my onward and upwards progression. What do I do? Should I change the direction I’m looking in? That is after all what I have done before, anytime I was unhappy in a job I left and started afresh somewhere else, found comfort in freeing myself from dead end situations. I need to trust the process and stay the course, while this may not be the time to immediately jump ship, this is the time to get things right! To show and prove through all the adversity and not to let anyone beat me! I am capable of all things, to whom much is given much is required, I am divinely chosen so all things I do are done through God.
Just sat down and started talking about the things they came to mind…..I’m in this space of trying to figure this shit out called life and its really complicated. I’ve never been all that great at living in the moment much less great at being an adult for that matter lol…most days I just want to quit! But I’ve come to recognize I’m super hard on myself, guess that’s why God gave me great friends who remind me to stop smell the roses….life is about being present. that our parents are not always going to get it!
Someone once told me that rejection is just a redirection from God, referencing my mom not understanding, I had to realize that sometimes our parents just not don’t get it and that’s ok too we’re from different generations living in different times with different circumstances.
I was totally amped up on ten in this video but the message is pretty clear…we all have to just breathe….everything will come together in the time its supposed to, we can’t rush it. I sat down with this on my heart more so for myself than for anyone else but if this resonates with you in anyway then I am grateful.