Bougie Shit: Episode 33

This week we’re talking white men being in the way, per usual. 🙄

 

Auntie Max was sick of their shit and went high when Bill’s bitch ass went low.

Cousin Angela was even more sick of their shit and gave it to Joe’s punk ass in true black girl fashion, leaving us with glorious gifs / memes of the carnage. (I know you’ve all seen this by now, but I’m putting this here for MY easy reference.)

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Where Auntie Max said “I will not be afraid,” Cousin Angela said “I aint neva scared,” and IIIIII was here for BOTH.

Finding Richard Simmons reminded me how much IIIIIIIII am sick of white men’s shit. I loved that Katie Couric dragged the podcaster on her podcast. Newsflash folks, NO ONE OWES YOU ANYTHING!! In the words of the late great Bernie Mac on Kanye’s “Wake Up Mr. West,”

You think this shit easy, don’t you?
You think this is promised!
Well ain’t nothin’ promised to you!
Look at my face, do I got a promised face?
Does it look like I promised you anything?

LEAVE RICHARD ALONE!!!

YAS: 

Victoria Beckham is known as a sour faced stiff. I love seeing her be silly with James Corden and give us a little Spice Girls, COMPLETE with seat choreography. AND come through Target promotion!! Masterful.


Paisley Outake: Starbucks now has a light sugar chai 🙌🏾🙌🏾. Praise be. I love Chai Tea, but sometimes I just want spicy, not too sweet. Starbucks heard my silent cry. I will add an extra pump next time bc without the sugar its a liiiiiitle weak. But then again, every barista is different – the first one I had was great. The next one, not so much.

BITCH… in my googles for an image for the light chai I found THIS:

HOW IN THE HELL DID I MISS THIS?!?!? Haagen Dazs is bae and I try the seasonal flavors every year. (RIP my MOST favorite Coconut Macaroon) If anyone knows of a good Chai ice cream (or Coconut Macaroon ice cream), comment below or tweet us at @morebougiethanyou.

Until next week friends….

Be Happy, Live Free

I’m so inspired by the Supreme Court’s ruling for Marriage Equality. It’s been sinking in bit by bit. My tv is always on Logo and I caught an episode of the Golden Girls where Dorothy’s lesbian friend thought she was falling in love with Rose. So many shows of that era, like Designing Women, take the stigmas around LGBT issues head on. It’s a reminder of how far we’ve come. I’ve seen some amazing commercials in support of Marriage Equality, on Logo. One, by Macy’s made me so happy. It was of an interracial lesbian couple shopping for their registry. Then I caught “About Bruce” and am so overjoyed by his transition. Everyone deserves the right to be happy and live free.

 

Start The Day With The Internet

I start almost everyday with The Internet’s “Sunset”. However many times it takes for me to feel better. I know it’s so old, but it’s freeing. Helps me drop all the bullshit I bring with me just by being at a job that doesn’t match my introverted personality at all. I can always vibe out to this song and clear my headspace.

I usually let it ride into “Dontcha” which makes me want to twirl.

Usually does the trick…

I can’t wait for their new album, which is dropping next week. Special Affair is my shit:

Reasons I Can’t Sit My Ass Down

I’ont know if marriage is my high calling. I’m just going to be honest with myself. The mere thought makes me shudder. I look around at my friends that are married with kids and can’t think of a single thing I want to do less. But I’d like to chill out… maybe be in a relationship (Read: Have more regular secks, since I don’t have any cut friends anymore *sigh*). Here’s the shit that trips me up in dating:

  1. I’m a guy on the inside. No, no. I’m not the trash ass Steve Harvey’s “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man,” girl/guy. My NATURAL instincts operate like a dude. Ego and all. Most of the guys I have dated confirm this, as do my friends. I CAN be “pink” and girly, but THAT’S what requires effort. I’m a mess.
  2. Making someone else my priority. Like. I want to do better with this. And I try sometimes. But when I’m living the slash/slash life, I can’t drop everything I’M doing to make a guy feel important.
    1. a- spontaneity is no longer a thing for me, unless I’m really interested. I have shit to do.
  3. I like to juggle *snickers.* What can I say?!?! I like variety. I usually end up dating a couple different guys for their strong suits. And when the negatives pop up, I just go to the next one until the previous one has a chance to chill. Ultimately make my dream guy out of any number of suitors (which also leads me to question monogamy… another post for another day)
  4. I’m super free spirited [Read: commitment-phobic]. That often means moving or traveling. A relationship [usually] requires some form of settling down and committing to a place and person. I’m not about that life.
  5. I’m “meh” on kids. I think most people settle down because they want children. With that off that table, what’s the rush?!?!

Everyone told me I’d change my mind when I was older. 28 they said. I’m 30. Whatever switch that makes most women want to sit down… I must aint get one. I’m going to have to find another wild thing and we can run off and be wild together.

Multi-hyphenate Bitch

I was a part of 2009 Twitter, like when everything was fun and celebs roamed in the wild. One of my favs during that time, and to this day, is Bevy Smith. I was so inspired by her entrepreneurial journey and decided to embark upon one of my own fresh out of law school. In her brand new podcast, “Bevy Says” she said she’s a “multi-hyphenate bitch” and of course the “YAAAASSSS”es came flying from the depth of my soul. She defined it as women who can’t be boxed in.

Before Bevy was a buddy of a college friend who we fondly spoke of as slash/slash because of her multiple job titles, and my Atlanta music industry mentor. I was always aspired to be a version of these women. I’m pretty much in there now… I’m a lawyer by education, and that’s cool. Makes me feel like peak educated negro. I’m also an entrepreneur that hustles clothes on the innanets… which makes me feel smarter than the average bear. And the occasional blogger, which fulfills my writer fancy. I just am who I am and by boxes I will not abide.

Oprah Is Just Dope

Facebook is good for somethings!! Today I came across this interview with Oprah, she always dropping gems and this interview is no different!! Check it out and post your thoughts, I am very much on this kick to change several things in my life and interviews like this are right on time. I hope that this helps someone else as much as it’s done a doozy for me…doozy in a good way….it’s an AH HA moment!!

Look Around

Last night I was on the phone with my mother, fantasizing about my ideal life… Warm weather… My own store… My own schedule… Lots of travel. As she was chuckling I started thinking “WAIT A DAMN MINUTE!!!! I’m not that far off.” It was one of those moments of “STFU AND LOOK AROUND!!!

I live in Miami – warm climate ✔️. I’d still like to live part time in another city. Totally want snow bird life, but again, 30. I have an online store that I absolutely love ✔️. I hate my job, but I definitely don’t set a clock and get to work around 10ish. That’s not a check, but definitely a step in the right direction. Of course if always love to do more, but I’ve taken some really fun trips and met some awesome people along the way. ✔️

I’m perpetually hard on myself and often miss the forest for the trees. I, like most of my peers, had those lofty “by the time I’m 30 goals,” which were completely unattainable. But I still measure myself by them. Last night was the first time I thought “huh… I’m on the right track.”

Superfruit Gave Me Life

As a teen I was very much into theater…watching this video took me back to care free foolishness with friends waiting around on tech day… playing with current songs singing in full voice and clowning!! OMG great times, I miss the theater…that might be apart of my life changing goals this year, I’ve recently decided to really take control of my life and focus on myself and what I want and what feels right for me. A change of pace is coming…enjoy the epic-ness of this lads and have a good laugh!!!

Arranged in Real Life

If you follow us on twitter, you know I’m obsessed with these shows about arranged marriage. FYI has all of my attention for the second season of “Married At First Sight” and the first season of “Arranged.” I was a psychology major in college and have since found myself fascinated by relationships in general, and “alternative” relationships specifically.  I remember discussing arranged marriages and even dating online, then in its infancy, working because it is based on compatibility, not the warm fuzzies.  Even with all this in mind, I’ve never been much into online dating. I know many people for whom it has been successful, but I don’t have the time or energy to commit to vetting potentials.

Enter my coworkers. My job is such that you get to know coworkers pretty well thanks to open work spaces. My coworker, Tee, began to recount the numerous yummy black men she encounters doing random shit like walking her dog. Jokingly, I sent her a picture along with a request to show it to these attractive men and give them my number. Two other coworkers, chimed in with potential matches for me. Then I thought “Oh shit… this could be a thing!” As a girl who hates dating, it was perfect. That was about a year ago. And I’m still taking Arranged dates:

One coworker, Lee, hooked me up with her homeboy. He’s an incredibly dope guy, we just didn’t have “that” kind of chemistry. And after an incredibly awkward double date (I thought it was just hanging out with friends), I knew it wouldn’t work.

Another former coworker, Emily, found a guy was perfect for me. He was physically what I like and very intelligent. That lasted for a while in my world. He turned out to be a bit of a jackass, and kinda insecure around my ambition. So it didn’t work out but damn if she didn’t peg me right.

I’m 99% sure the guy she sent me the other night won’t work out because of his nationality and profession, but I’mma give it a whirl.

Emily, now a good friend, has also tried to hook me up with her now brother and cousin in law. I was good on that. Now I think she’s just talking to random black men at bars on my behalf, and I’m ok with it!! You need a good white Judy that wants you sitting down with her married ass.

Tee stopped a guy in the work elevator to show a guy my picture and get his card. I kinda wish she had given him my number. I’m terrible at reaching out first. I haven’t done so yet and it’s been a few weeks. Maybe I’ll get the gall up this week.

Lee has another for me but is disappointed that I wasted Tee’s find. So maybe I will contact him just so I can meet Lee’s other friend. Also Tee claims to see a lot of hot guys in her neighborhood. The only thing that’s a bit risky is some white girls have the “both of yall are black… you should like each other” sort of thinking. Meh. I guess these are the risks you take dating this way…