Last night I was on the phone with my mother, fantasizing about my ideal life… Warm weather… My own store… My own schedule… Lots of travel. As she was chuckling I started thinking “WAIT A DAMN MINUTE!!!! I’m not that far off.” It was one of those moments of “STFU AND LOOK AROUND!!!
I live in Miami – warm climate ✔️. I’d still like to live part time in another city. Totally want snow bird life, but again, 30. I have an online store that I absolutely love ✔️. I hate my job, but I definitely don’t set a clock and get to work around 10ish. That’s not a check, but definitely a step in the right direction. Of course if always love to do more, but I’ve taken some really fun trips and met some awesome people along the way. ✔️
I’m perpetually hard on myself and often miss the forest for the trees. I, like most of my peers, had those lofty “by the time I’m 30 goals,” which were completely unattainable. But I still measure myself by them. Last night was the first time I thought “huh… I’m on the right track.”
As a teen I was very much into theater…watching this video took me back to care free foolishness with friends waiting around on tech day… playing with current songs singing in full voice and clowning!! OMG great times, I miss the theater…that might be apart of my life changing goals this year, I’ve recently decided to really take control of my life and focus on myself and what I want and what feels right for me. A change of pace is coming…enjoy the epic-ness of this lads and have a good laugh!!!
So today I had the unfortunate lesson of learning the meaning of the above title! My friend mentioned this ideal to me via text during our conversation about my recent house guest. Now I will admit I put myself in this predicament but damn, I could not have imagined that things would have turned out to be as uncomfortable as it did. Long story short I had a gentleman over that I’ve known for a few years but hadn’t seen in a long time so we felt now was as good a time as any to catch up. Things started off great, we grabbed dinner chatted a bit shared a few laughs and then headed back to my place to settle in for the night. Everything seemed to be on the up and up until I decided to let a friend drop by before they were headed out of town for next week, the snowball that started it all, I figured hey it’s no big deal we’ll share a few laughs he’ll meet one of my friends and that be that. Little did I know my gentleman friend had an issue with that, instead he was too busy projecting his issue onto me; what I don’t understand is why when you ask someone how they feel about something they don’t tell you the truth the first time around, like why would I ask if I expected a lie?! So started our tit for tat discussions and my mother-fucking headache! When I tell you I’ve never met someone who complained so much in my life, and about everything and nothing at the same time! Either I was moving too much, I was laughing too much, or I shook my head too hard etc, the list goes on; it got to a point where he even complained about how I had things setup in my damn house! I am never one to be at a loss for words but during his visit there were several times where I was just fucking silent starring off blankly into space, and I’m sure you’re like well damn girl why not put the man out. Well truth is sometimes I’m just too fucking nice, and I was in a vulnerable moment where I wanted companionship, you know someone to just chill out with watch movies, have dinner, you know like a stand in, a seat filler, a friend that you just kick it with ugh fuck! But all that foolishness that went down during this visit was unnecessary and way beyond what I was looking for.
The take away from this life lesson is, 1 is patience ( learn how to sustain/maintain patience! if i ask for something i need to be willing to wait for it) , and 2 if something is not meant to be it will surely tell you so (my gentlemen friend and I are simply not compatible and there’s nothing wrong with that, I need to accept it and move on). I always learn shit the hard way!
Bravery is… Doing what you would do if you didn’t know you couldn’t. You know, before adulthood and bills got in the way.
I can’t remember where I heard this. Actually, I think I heard a variation in Lisa Price’s (founder of Carol’s Daughter) book. The premise: simply remember the things you loved as a kid and find a way to make money on them now.
Do you have any dreams that you had to set aside for bills?
I am the first person to admit – I’m a total commitment-phobe. I am a flight risk whenever I’m getting to know someone and feel like I’m opening up or becoming too attached. I’m not a fan of venerability. However, I don’t want to be alone forever so I’m trying to do better. It’s a constant struggle to decipher between red flags that legitimately send me running, versus “paper planes,” that cause me to chase mild, harmless distractions right to the end of a potential relationship.
This is often complicated by my “ju ju,” extreme perceptiveness, and history of dealing with manipulative assholes. My juju warns me of potential issues. I am also highly perceptive of behavioral patterns. My whole method of healing revolves around dissecting patterns. It’s what I do. And I mean assholes are gon asshole, so there’s that. But still, I’m left wondering are all these things carefully disguised defense mechanisms or legitimate reasons to proceed cautiously.
For example, “James” is showing signs that I’m not a priority for him. He lives well beyond the hop, skip, or jump. For a person who rarely dives further than 10 mins, it’s a journey. But, within a week i journeyed to see him. The only times he has mentioned reciprocating was when he was already going to be in my locale for unrelated reasons. The one time he mentioned coming down, he failed to reach out until the cusp of booty call hours on a weeknight. He works a non- 9-5 so I can excuse the odd hours, but not the lack of effort.
Next, I’m busy. Like for real. I’m working my way into full time entrepreneurship, all while working beyond full time at work. It’s exhausting. I don’t do well with loose plans or pop ups. I accept that this one is my issue, but there is a level of consideration I think is missing if a man just wants to “pop up” or give round about times and not make concrete plans.
Lastly, I’m a clown. I’m fun when I’m on. But he isn’t coping well when I’m not “on,” to the point of provoking me to elicit a response. It’s annoying. But I’m also moody and struggle with communicating gently when I need to be left alone or need quieter support.
So, I feel like most of the specific instances are pretty small and puny. But I’m lacing up my sneakers. I haven’t taken off yet, but I’m ready. I’ve kinda put a plan in place but I’m really curious – what do Yall think?!? Red flags or paper planes? How do you decipher between the two?!?
Robin Rihanna Fenty. I just…. I’ve been twirling around the house, using ALL of my rapper hands to “BBHMM.” I love she.
I also just bought a ticket to see Nicki Minaj. I don’t know why I wanted to go, but Groupon had a deal so July 20th, I’M IN!!! Even after seeing her ridiculous costumes on vine, I’m so ready. I NEED to hear Beez In The Trap so I can twerk out!!
And speaking of vine, this showed up on my feed and I’m still screaming laughing
So I guess I’m in a slightly ratch mood, just in time for the weekend. WOOT!! What are y’all doing this weekend?!?
Its the middle of the week… best time to reminisce on brunches past and plan brunches to come. Last weekend my friends called me a cool 5 mins before they were leaving the house to go to brunch. NATURALLY I jumped my ass up, showered right quick and made it before they finished the first round.
Miami is under heavy gentrification right now. Of course that brings more fun restaurants to try. So on to the District.
First of all… bottomless mimosas until 3… YAAAASSSS!!!
My friend Cee ordered the Crab Eggs Benedict. It was DELICIOUS. Very well seasoned. Funny story – she’s a vegetarian and I don’t eat pork. When I took my fork full, we looked at each other… she said “there’s definitely meat in here and I don’t even care, ” I nodded, and we carried on.
Kelly and I were having one of those “I want sweet AND savory brunch moments.” So I ordered the Pineapple Pancakes with Chile Butter, she ordered the Egg White Frittata and we shared. Both were amazing. The chile butter with the pancakes wasn’t really spicy but definitely added something different to the mix. The eggs in the frittata were actually damn seasoned. Do you know how many nasty ass, unseasoned egg whites I get?!?!? Pet peeve.
Anyway. Brunch was great. I was drunk. The end.
Do you already have brunch plans lined up for the weekend? What are your favorite brunch spots?!?!?!