Married at First Sight: The Melanin Free Edition

Chile between my phone ringing (which NEVER happens) and TV, this turned into a midnight / insomniac post, but I’M HERE!!! I have a few words for the folks over at “Married at First Sight,” and they start with… How dare you…

When I saw the previews for this season I was immediately struck by the fact that they didn’t have any black people. After watching the matching special, I came to respect that they included diversity, but not black. I can live with that. They were looking to cross both ethnic and religious lines, and even included a single parent in the mix for an interesting experience. Cool. That was until I got to the end…

The experts were looking to match a sort of free spirited, part time college, part time work, not really interested in monetary wealth, black man who was specifically looking to marry a black women. Of the black women in the pool, the experts said:

“when i look at the African American women in our pool of eligibles, each one of them is highly professionally accomplished and requests a man that is at least her equal. I think they would really be disappointed in us if we gave them someone who was so unfinished at this point in his life”

I was immediately irritated as fuck for a litany of reasons.

  1. First of all, they made it seem like the black women were the problem, just too educated, too established, not this man who couldn’t pull it together. Like, how DARE black women want an equal. They found an equal for Jamie’s fucked up ass. They found equals for young ass Jason and Courtney. But NOW its an issue to want an equal… now it’s a problem.
  2. They picked THE MOST obscure black man to try to match. It was like they just threw him out there to keep the blacks happy… on some “look… we tried.” Not the black professional, or military man, or entrepreneur. They picked the jobless, free spirited ass black man with not a single bless-ed thing to bring to the table. Like a job is too damn much to ask. Way to go on perpetuating the “yall too educated” / “yall too choosy… take what you can get” / “any black man > all the educated fine ass black women” narrative. Patriarchy is so damn real out here.
  3. WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO MATCH A MAN THAT IS NOT THE FUCK TOGETHER?!?!?! If anything, they should have been moving mountains to match an amazing black woman to an equally amazing man.   I mean they wiped out an ENTIRE pool of beautiful, intelligent woman because one man was raggedy as fuck. How are we really here?!??!
  4. Black women really went up for this show last season. I remember live tweeting the first season and being struck by the OVERWHELMING number of black women watching this show. So to dismiss us as a whole because “too difficult?!?!”
  5. They have YET to really address racial nuances. There is a BIG difference in the way black people date and, in my experience, most other races. Not to mention our “unique” history in this country. The experts have YET to acknowledge that THEY missed the boat on some necessary cultural cues with Vaughn and Monet. They brought in a sex therapist, a chaplain, and everyone else but not a single therapist of color to speak to those issues. They literally just said black women are too hard so strike ALLUVEM! I don’t go to white hair stylists or dermatologists because some shit they just don’t get. *EYE* don’t believe they are going to successfully match a black couple without having a black expert to navigate cultural minefields.
  6. I noticed that of all the people that discussed “interracial” relationships on camera, none of them mentioned that they dated black. You mean to tell me not ONE of the white men was looking for a pretty black woman with natural hair… they love us. Not even the women mentioned liking black men, which is especially odd.

Honestly, I loved the show first season. And I really want to care this season. But, I’m annoyed. It seems like they pulled out all the stops to get black people the fuck on. I don’t know if it’s because Vaughn and Monet didn’t work out so they are trying to get 3/3 this season (see #5 above). Either way, I don’t like it. I’ll likely tune in at some point. But they need to fix this shit when they do the experiment in Atlanta. I’m so serious. They would be hard pressed to do Married at First Sight in Atlanta without black people. GET IT TOGETHER FOLKS!!

Can I Live?!?!

So much… just so much of what is going on in the world, hell in my world too, is perfect for a fuck shit Friday post. Let’s see – There’s Angie Stone knocking her daughter’s teeth out of her skull…. Creflo Dollar’s sheer, unmitigated GALLthe fuck ass police shooting an NAKED man north of Atlanta… just so much.

But I’ll not jump on any of those bandwagons. I just want to acknowledge how trill our president is with this twitter reference to “Can I Live,” one of my favorite tunes.

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And just for extra shits and giggles, check out Michelle Obama dance to Uptown Funk with Ellen. Start at 4 min mark and get into first lady’s extra foot tap and shoulder shrug. GIVING IT TO THE PEOPLE!!!

Happy Friday Folks!

 

You, Sir, are a “Claire Huxtable” Lie

Its funny that if you ask nearly any well educated black man about their dream wife, Claire Huxtable, or her modern counterpoint Michelle Obama, would find its way into his description. I’m always amused by this description. Not just because of their lack of Cliff/Barak-ness, but because of its idealistic qualities. Lets just break down the reality of the Huxtable residence.

Yes Claire was definitely a ride or die… she stuck with Cliff when he was in med school, and he while she was in law school. But Claire also confesses to having molded Cliff over the years, and we KNOW how much men love that.

Claire was as much a nag as any other woman. She watched Cliff’s diet like a hawk. Even snatching food from his very grasp.

But what I loved most about Claire’s realness is when it came to how she mothered the children. She was loving but FIRM. Some of the fights between she and Vanessa were downright legendary, to the point of making it on my DVR. When Robert and Vanessa stayed out past curfew and Vanessa yelled down the stairs to see if he was ok. Claire yelled back up with as much force as my mother when we argued.

Their child rearing struggle resulted in a Princeton grad who opened a pet store, Denise – enough said, annoying ass Vanessa and we never know what became of Rudy. Of ALL the children that made a REAL something of themselves, it was left to Theo… thats right crazy ass Theo. All this to say, the Huxtable residence was not the haven of success, but a revolving door of failure and struggle. Do yall really want that for your household gentlemen?

Cliff and Claire’s relationship was a partnership. I remember him being in the kitchen as much as she. Many times when he was at home and SHE would come home with the briefcase. In many scenes she was seen working on files at her home desk. Cliff dealt with as many parenting struggles as she. He cared for Rudy when she was sick. Stayed at home with the kids when Claire was away on business. Helped with homework. And the list goes on.

All this to say, Claire was not perfect. She was far from it. And we are far closer to Claires than our male suitors would like to admit. And even if the myth of Claire’s perfection had a thread of truth, its because she was well supported by her husband, not that she herself was super woman.

In Defense of Bae, Amber Rose

I’m so sick of these fuckboys. It’s amazing to me how Kanye and Wiz have AWL the hoes to call Amber after both proclaimed her as this prize. KNOWING her stripper past and twerking for the gram present, they paraded her around in these streets and we were in awe because ultimately, Amber is bad as hell. It’s SO amazing to me how after a woman decides she doesn’t want the man anymore, she’s suddenly the bitch, ho, etc. Tuck in your hurt sirs.

Seriously Kanye?!?! 20 showers?!??! As if Kim has some sort of spotless record. While I don’t believe shes a sexual whore, despite being a media one, she’s been around the block a few times. How do we know? Because we were along for the ride. Kanye recorded a whole hurt ass album about Amber… about all the the things Yeezy taught her and then took away. And 20 showers!??! If he don’t get THEE fuck. Kanye was cheating on HER with Kim and HE needs 20 showers?!?

As for Wiz, that is the mother of his child. There should never be a time when he speaks so ill of her publicly. She’s kept everything pretty tame about the details of their breakup, noting that they co-parent relatively peacefully. So why so much!?!?

All the name calling is an unnecessary deflection of their hurt. Get that shit off your chest in a constructive way and move on. It’s like they didn’t want her but can’t stand the thought of anyone else having her. Grow up!

My only criticism of Amber is I wish she would stop picking the wrong ass men. There is life after fuckboys. See Rihanna or Eve.

Slightly Domesticated

So here recently I’ve been totally unmotivated when it comes to cooking myself a meal or two so I’ve been here and there and a few other places in between. Below are a few of my treats along with a few outings with my girls.

 

My shrimp étouffée was fucking amazing!! I need to make that again soon!

My shrimp étouffée was fucking amazing!! I need to make that again soon!

Bougie ass lunch with my girl at a lovely little place called Can Can Brasserie...this plate was amaze balls!!

Bougie ass lunch with my girl at a lovely little place called Can Can Brasserie…this plate was amaze balls!!

This one is super simple and quick mama’s! All you need is a bottle of egg whites, jimmy deans turkey sausage crumbles, shredded Colby jack cheese, salt and paper to taste, cupcake wrappers, muffin pan and voila!!

Turkey sausage egg white muffs....for the future husband!!

Turkey sausage egg white muffs….for the future husband!!

Listen I’m a bit of a wino, but I only drink white wine. I’m trying to get into the red side of life but the few I’ve had I don’t recall the names (silly me), the last red I had was an Argentinian Malbec that gave me heartburn. I haven’t had one sense, if you have suggestion that won’t flare up my old lady indigestion issues please drop a few names below I’ll gladly try a few.

Technically not food but it should be considered such!! This was a yummy petite noir that i don't recall the name of sadly. I'm not much of a red wine gal but I'm trying it out!

Technically not food but it should be considered such!! This was a yummy petite noir that i don’t recall the name of sadly. I’m not much of a red wine gal but I’m trying it out!

Crystals and Chakras

Lately my friends and I have been getting into natural crystals that are said to activate or help certain chakras in the body. I’m not all that well versed in this crystal and chakra business, but the worlds good girlfriend google told me that chakra’s are spiritual points within the human body and apparently there are seven with the right crystal you can balance, harmonize or stimulate a certain chakra. About a month or so ago I visited a local shop called The Aquarian Bookstore, I literally went into to pick up items for a friend had no intentions of learning shit about chakras and what I thought were just shinny rocks nor the pretty geodes from elementary science class. The Aquarian Bookstore is like shock to the senses, when you walk in it’s bright and colorful your eyes are drawn to every square inch there is something on every surface, an interesting scent wafts through the air not too strong though but just enough to let you know there’s something different about this store. Searching for the items my friend needed, I ended up buying three crystal bracelets…

I wear them all the time now...not sure if they work or not but I've noticed a few changes so I'm happy!

I wear them all the time now…not sure if they work or not but I’ve noticed a few changes so I’m happy!

Aquamarine, activates throat chakra for clear communication...so what I needed!!

Aquamarine, activates throat chakra for clear communication…so what I needed!!

Amethyst, Intense beam of high spiritual love. Clears negativity, bestows stability, strength, and peace.

Amethyst, Intense beam of high spiritual love. Clears negativity, bestows stability, strength, and peace.

Rose Quartz,  crystal of unconditional love, soothes and heals emotional wounds and helps calm high energy.

Rose Quartz, crystal of unconditional love, soothes and heals emotional wounds and helps calm high energy.

Still don’t know about all this stuff but it’s interesting and I’m learning a lot!! If you know more feel free to enlighten us…the more knowledge the better!

Anxiety Overflowing

Backstory this piece is pulled from my journal, it’s written as a steady stream of thoughts, rereading this now 3/4/15 I understand that it can be a little hard to follow. The mind of a woman going through an emotional and trying time can be a crazy, scary and sad experience!!! Either way I saw no sense to edit my writing, it is after all what I was feeling at the time and as authentic as it gets. This process is cathartic knowing that affords me the ability to relinquish my deepest emotional demons for the world to see and believe that at some point i’ll revisit this post and laugh at how crazy I was clutch my pearls and thank God I made it through!!

Date unknown

Stewing in the midst of it all, most days I can’t seem to escape the thick of my own thoughts. My mind runs rampant chasing around ideas in one direction or the next, constantly worrying about how A will effect B and how B will effect C and more often then not I find that my thoughts consume me. I know I’m not alone in this struggle of constantly worrying about anything and everything all the damn time so much so that I can’t sleep at night, focus during the day, and relax when I’m at home. Right now I’m having a hard time just dealing with the every day duties of regular life and I know it’s because I’m currently struggling with extreme case of anxiety. I’m starting to think I have an anxiety disorder but I wonder if it is possible to experience a disorder temporarily? That sounds crazy right? Here would be one of those times where I start picking myself apart, because I feel like a failure or like something is wrong with me because I can’t keep it together or because I can’t fix it, I can’t make my worrying go away. Although logically I know that none of this stuff is true, again it’s hard to get a grip on my thoughts when they seem to start spiraling. Typically when my anxiety is overflowing is when I have the hardest time shutting them off, my friend told me I need to take better care of myself before I mess around and have a heart attack, and now I worry about the possibility of that. My constant worrying is unending and though I’ve prayed, and continue to pray I believe God helps those who help themselves. I think it’s time I brought someone else into to my head, if nothing else they may be able to help me relax.

have you ever experienced anxiety? how do you deal with your anxiety?

michelle rene

Reasons Why Kanye Can Sit His Black Ass Down

Look. I’m a Kanye, well Kanye pre-Kim, fan. The guy is musically brilliant. Cool. But I think we can all agree Yeezy could sit the fuck down sometimes, yes? Here are my top reasons:

1. Beyonce don’t need Ye caping for her.  Beyonce is very accomplished in her own right. She has 20 grammys. She is in no way underrated, hell I’d argue a bit overrated. (I like her but I STAN when she makes more emotional music a la 4.) She’s chilling. HER husband is chilling. She don’t need you on this one Ye.

1.5. I never see Ye going up for the REAL underdogs.  Not a word when Janelle Monae got snubbed last year, despite Electric Lady being a beautiful album both sonically and in content. But he can find ALL the words for Beyonce. Bye Ye.

1.75. Ye and Beyonce are NOT the only two artists on the musical landscape with talent. Just because he doesn’t rock with Beck or whoever the hell else doesn’t mean they aren’t worthy. Hell most of the artists I rock with don’t get the acclaim they deserve. I’m pretty sure my iTunes reads as ALL the future seasons of Unsung.

2. This fashion shit is wearing me thin. Truly. His fashion tantrums are the dumbest ones of all. Dude has Anna Wintour, Ricardo Tisci, an’nem on speed dial and couldn’t make a fashion moment work?!?! I guess it never occurred to him that maybe it’s NOT discrimination. Maybe he’s just NOT that damn talented. I follow fashion from a business perspective. I know that it is rife with discrimination, but nothing his privilege, wealth, and connections couldn’t overcome.

I’ve never seen anything that Kanye designed that really looked signature or original (I mean flight jackets sir?!?). I take that back. His first Louis Vuitton sneakers were dope as hell. Actually, his sneaker designs are good. NEVERTHELESS, his first runway show was Kim’s closet – a bunch of Herve Leger. All his other clothing collaborations have looked like a dumbed down version of Alexander Wang or The Row, WHICH MEANS ITS BASIC AS FUCK!!. I mean Wang and the Olsen waifs are flourishing off accessories and outerwear but I would NEVER pony up for some of their basic ass black and white clothes. His shoe collaborations with Giuseppe Zanotti were better-ish. But, they just looked like “standard” ass Giuseppes. And the bullshit called a fashion show yesterday?!? Girl, bye. I say all of this to say, no one is checking for Ye in fashion, not because he’s black, BUT BECAUSE HIS CLOTHES JUST AREN’T THAT DAMN GOOD. Tell him North!!

3. I left her for last because I can’t stand her ass – Kim. I’m not EVER going to see it for Kim. Kanye is like that cousin that marries the bish you’ont like and tries to force her on you. I aint like her ass then, and I’m not gonna like her now that you married her. He really has to make peace with that shit and stop trying to convince us of the many reason Kim is great. We don’t want her.  Bey doesn’t want her. Anna doesn’t want her. He wants her. We tolerate her because we still want Ye, for now. Dude gotta chill.

(but seriously… can we discuss this picture?!?!? Diddy/Puffy/whatever is like “this shit here,” Jay is perplexed, Bey is sitting in all her black mama “this is why Blue is not here” judgment, and Anna is trying not to get hit. I’m DYING!!)