A friend was kind enough to inform me that Mercury’s bitch ass is in retrograde and that’s all I have to look forward to for the next couple weeks.
I believe in what astrological signs say about a person and that it has a real effect on the way we carry on in life. So when I was in complete shambles last week, I should have known something was up. I always seem to struggle when Mercury is in retrograde although I don’t usually find out until I’m one thread pull away from falling apart. I haven’t been able to shake nostalgic feelings about the past and wanting to bring them into my present. I have a yearning to reach out to people from my past who are bad for me. Suddenly I want to move… I’m confused… and my life is upside down. Thankfully I know now that I should just hold tight on any drastic decisions until Mercury can pull it together. Is it June 11 yet?!?! shit.
It’s all fun and games until you have to make sacrifices.
Being a part time entrepreneur (working my way to full time) with a day job is the most challenging experience of my 30 years on this Earth. Add dating to the mix and you pretty much have a shit show. It’s been pretty exhausting to say the least.
It’s funny because I like to date guys who are similarly situated. You know – entrepreneural, driven, those type. They’re usually pretty impressed with my drive, that’s until it gets in their way When I say I’m working, but I’m not at an office – problem. When I’m unavailable for their whims on their days off – problem. I’m struggling to find the balance between what I need to do and making time to be social. Not to mention the guilt threshold – you know the point at which your well deserved turns too fun and you remember the mountain of work that awaits you.
The bottom line is being an entrepreneur is a whole other experience, especially when it’s not full time. It’s not a 9-5 and it can be difficult to explain why Sunday simultaneously is and is not an off day for me. How I can be home and busy working at the same time. Why I treat what looks like a hobby like a job. It’s not difficult to find a guy who claims to understand, but harder to find one who actually does.
The highlight of my weekend was absolutely Jay-Z’s B-sides show for Tidal. I’m a pretty big Jay fan and I got my complete life off the show. I’ve seen him live a couple of times and it was nice to hear some of the songs I’ve never heard at a show. I will admit I didn’t know EVERY song but I knew the vast majority of them. It was so dope to hear my favs off Reasonable Doubt like “Friend or Foe” and “22 twos,” and ANYTIME American Gangster is in the mix, I’m 100% here for it, although I was mad he didn’t play “Party Life” all the way out. The most amazing for me was “Allure.” I love that damn song. It was also amazing to see the Roc fam reunited and JEEZY!!! Anyway, if you have a cool 2 hours laying around, watch this and prosper!!
(I’m pretty sure this link will get snatched, so WATCH IT SOON!!!)
“Your departure’s long overdue now… Loneliness its time that I let you go. No more roooooooom in my life… for yoooou dear.”
Only a few good things come from my emotional crises. A clean house and Emily King. My emotional crises generally stem from anxiety which leaves me feeling very out of control and causes problems with my sleeping which makes me less in control the next day. I think they call that a cycle. If I’m lucky, I’m close enough to the weekend so that I get a reset and sleep and feel better within a couple days. But this last time, my trigger was on a Monday. Fuck my life and everyone around me, right? By Wednesday I was feeling so out of control that I only wanted to control the controllables. The one thing I can control is my space. I found myself up in the middle of the night, with work imminent no doubt, sipping Bedtime Tea, listening to Emily King and cleaning. That, friends, is a silver lining. I felt incredibly empowered in that moment. Emily was telling loneliness to get the fuck on and I was symbolically clearing my mind and actually cleaning my space.
I go up for British soul music. Good Lord I do. Jessie Ware slayed this NPR Tiny Desk Concert.
AND LIANNE LA HAVAS!!!!! New album coming this summer and my spirit is so ready!!! JULY 31!!! Her single Unstoppable is everything right with the world.
Since we’re Bougie and we’re Brown I decided hey lets show some of our people some love on the site today..below are some celebs and everyday beautifully bubbling brown people enjoy!! I may have to do one specific to just the men soon!!
Random beauties on my timeline this week
There were just too many to choose from so I’ll have to do this periodically too!!
Gotta love me some Max aka Erika Alexander from Living Single!! Bottom right in full glam..yaaas bish slay!!! Smack in the bottom middle Tika Sumpter and her gorgeous older sister!!
SCREAMING TIKA SUMPTER!! This woman is just fucking flawless! And apparently so are her siblings, the top left is her older sister…just beautiful!!
So this weeks FUCK SHIT FRIDAY or Saturday at this point goes to my fucked up back and the current state of my sunny weekend gone wrong! As of friday I am currently laid up in my bed drugged up on pain meds, muscle relaxers and a damn steroid just so I can get around more like the 30 something I am and not someone’s 90 year old grandma as my doctor put it! FML this is my life, as accident prone Susie!
Till Next Week Peeps
So today I had the unfortunate lesson of learning the meaning of the above title! My friend mentioned this ideal to me via text during our conversation about my recent house guest. Now I will admit I put myself in this predicament but damn, I could not have imagined that things would have turned out to be as uncomfortable as it did. Long story short I had a gentleman over that I’ve known for a few years but hadn’t seen in a long time so we felt now was as good a time as any to catch up. Things started off great, we grabbed dinner chatted a bit shared a few laughs and then headed back to my place to settle in for the night. Everything seemed to be on the up and up until I decided to let a friend drop by before they were headed out of town for next week, the snowball that started it all, I figured hey it’s no big deal we’ll share a few laughs he’ll meet one of my friends and that be that. Little did I know my gentleman friend had an issue with that, instead he was too busy projecting his issue onto me; what I don’t understand is why when you ask someone how they feel about something they don’t tell you the truth the first time around, like why would I ask if I expected a lie?! So started our tit for tat discussions and my mother-fucking headache! When I tell you I’ve never met someone who complained so much in my life, and about everything and nothing at the same time! Either I was moving too much, I was laughing too much, or I shook my head too hard etc, the list goes on; it got to a point where he even complained about how I had things setup in my damn house! I am never one to be at a loss for words but during his visit there were several times where I was just fucking silent starring off blankly into space, and I’m sure you’re like well damn girl why not put the man out. Well truth is sometimes I’m just too fucking nice, and I was in a vulnerable moment where I wanted companionship, you know someone to just chill out with watch movies, have dinner, you know like a stand in, a seat filler, a friend that you just kick it with ugh fuck! But all that foolishness that went down during this visit was unnecessary and way beyond what I was looking for.
The take away from this life lesson is, 1 is patience ( learn how to sustain/maintain patience! if i ask for something i need to be willing to wait for it) , and 2 if something is not meant to be it will surely tell you so (my gentlemen friend and I are simply not compatible and there’s nothing wrong with that, I need to accept it and move on). I always learn shit the hard way!
Over the past few weeks the gram has seen a few plates or drinks from these restuarants check us out @morebougiethanyou on ig
One of RVA’s finest soul food restaurants
So I’m trying to live right, a high calling to which I’ve not always ascribed. Trying to let old shit go, and generally get the fuck on with my life. But of course, it’s never quite that easy. I hadn’t talked to my Big in a few months and had been happy to skip along into new shit. THEN the ever busy devil brought him back to my doorstep. I knew he would. He always does. I was awaiting his arrival, but he didn’t seem to be coming. But THE SECOND I let my guard down, up he showed. Maybe it was an isolated occurrence… I don’t know. The one thing of which I’m 1000% sure – I’m not in the damn mood.