Start The Day With The Internet

I start almost everyday with The Internet’s “Sunset”. However many times it takes for me to feel better. I know it’s so old, but it’s freeing. Helps me drop all the bullshit I bring with me just by being at a job that doesn’t match my introverted personality at all. I can always vibe out to this song and clear my headspace.

I usually let it ride into “Dontcha” which makes me want to twirl.

Usually does the trick…

I can’t wait for their new album, which is dropping next week. Special Affair is my shit:

Reasons I Can’t Sit My Ass Down

I’ont know if marriage is my high calling. I’m just going to be honest with myself. The mere thought makes me shudder. I look around at my friends that are married with kids and can’t think of a single thing I want to do less. But I’d like to chill out… maybe be in a relationship (Read: Have more regular secks, since I don’t have any cut friends anymore *sigh*). Here’s the shit that trips me up in dating:

  1. I’m a guy on the inside. No, no. I’m not the trash ass Steve Harvey’s “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man,” girl/guy. My NATURAL instincts operate like a dude. Ego and all. Most of the guys I have dated confirm this, as do my friends. I CAN be “pink” and girly, but THAT’S what requires effort. I’m a mess.
  2. Making someone else my priority. Like. I want to do better with this. And I try sometimes. But when I’m living the slash/slash life, I can’t drop everything I’M doing to make a guy feel important.
    1. a- spontaneity is no longer a thing for me, unless I’m really interested. I have shit to do.
  3. I like to juggle *snickers.* What can I say?!?! I like variety. I usually end up dating a couple different guys for their strong suits. And when the negatives pop up, I just go to the next one until the previous one has a chance to chill. Ultimately make my dream guy out of any number of suitors (which also leads me to question monogamy… another post for another day)
  4. I’m super free spirited [Read: commitment-phobic]. That often means moving or traveling. A relationship [usually] requires some form of settling down and committing to a place and person. I’m not about that life.
  5. I’m “meh” on kids. I think most people settle down because they want children. With that off that table, what’s the rush?!?!

Everyone told me I’d change my mind when I was older. 28 they said. I’m 30. Whatever switch that makes most women want to sit down… I must aint get one. I’m going to have to find another wild thing and we can run off and be wild together.

Multi-hyphenate Bitch

I was a part of 2009 Twitter, like when everything was fun and celebs roamed in the wild. One of my favs during that time, and to this day, is Bevy Smith. I was so inspired by her entrepreneurial journey and decided to embark upon one of my own fresh out of law school. In her brand new podcast, “Bevy Says” she said she’s a “multi-hyphenate bitch” and of course the “YAAAASSSS”es came flying from the depth of my soul. She defined it as women who can’t be boxed in.

Before Bevy was a buddy of a college friend who we fondly spoke of as slash/slash because of her multiple job titles, and my Atlanta music industry mentor. I was always aspired to be a version of these women. I’m pretty much in there now… I’m a lawyer by education, and that’s cool. Makes me feel like peak educated negro. I’m also an entrepreneur that hustles clothes on the innanets… which makes me feel smarter than the average bear. And the occasional blogger, which fulfills my writer fancy. I just am who I am and by boxes I will not abide.

Arranged in Real Life

If you follow us on twitter, you know I’m obsessed with these shows about arranged marriage. FYI has all of my attention for the second season of “Married At First Sight” and the first season of “Arranged.” I was a psychology major in college and have since found myself fascinated by relationships in general, and “alternative” relationships specifically.  I remember discussing arranged marriages and even dating online, then in its infancy, working because it is based on compatibility, not the warm fuzzies.  Even with all this in mind, I’ve never been much into online dating. I know many people for whom it has been successful, but I don’t have the time or energy to commit to vetting potentials.

Enter my coworkers. My job is such that you get to know coworkers pretty well thanks to open work spaces. My coworker, Tee, began to recount the numerous yummy black men she encounters doing random shit like walking her dog. Jokingly, I sent her a picture along with a request to show it to these attractive men and give them my number. Two other coworkers, chimed in with potential matches for me. Then I thought “Oh shit… this could be a thing!” As a girl who hates dating, it was perfect. That was about a year ago. And I’m still taking Arranged dates:

One coworker, Lee, hooked me up with her homeboy. He’s an incredibly dope guy, we just didn’t have “that” kind of chemistry. And after an incredibly awkward double date (I thought it was just hanging out with friends), I knew it wouldn’t work.

Another former coworker, Emily, found a guy was perfect for me. He was physically what I like and very intelligent. That lasted for a while in my world. He turned out to be a bit of a jackass, and kinda insecure around my ambition. So it didn’t work out but damn if she didn’t peg me right.

I’m 99% sure the guy she sent me the other night won’t work out because of his nationality and profession, but I’mma give it a whirl.

Emily, now a good friend, has also tried to hook me up with her now brother and cousin in law. I was good on that. Now I think she’s just talking to random black men at bars on my behalf, and I’m ok with it!! You need a good white Judy that wants you sitting down with her married ass.

Tee stopped a guy in the work elevator to show a guy my picture and get his card. I kinda wish she had given him my number. I’m terrible at reaching out first. I haven’t done so yet and it’s been a few weeks. Maybe I’ll get the gall up this week.

Lee has another for me but is disappointed that I wasted Tee’s find. So maybe I will contact him just so I can meet Lee’s other friend. Also Tee claims to see a lot of hot guys in her neighborhood. The only thing that’s a bit risky is some white girls have the “both of yall are black… you should like each other” sort of thinking. Meh. I guess these are the risks you take dating this way…

 

GET THEE BEHIND ME MERCURY!!!

A friend was kind enough to inform me that Mercury’s bitch ass is in retrograde and that’s all I have to look forward to for the next couple weeks.

I believe in what astrological signs say about a person and that it has a real effect on the way we carry on in life. So when I was in complete shambles last week, I should have known something was up. I always seem to struggle when Mercury is in retrograde although I don’t usually find out until I’m one thread pull away from falling apart.  I haven’t been able to shake nostalgic feelings about the past and wanting to bring them into my present. I have a yearning to reach out to people from my past who are bad for me. Suddenly I want to move… I’m confused… and my life is upside down. Thankfully I know now that I should just hold tight on any drastic decisions until Mercury can pull it together. Is it June 11 yet?!?! shit.

Men “Love” Women Who Hustle

It’s all fun and games until you have to make sacrifices.

Being a part time entrepreneur (working my way to full time) with a day job is the most challenging experience of my 30 years on this Earth. Add dating to the mix and you pretty much have a shit show. It’s been pretty exhausting to say the least.

It’s funny because I like to date guys who are similarly situated. You know – entrepreneural, driven, those type. They’re usually pretty impressed with my drive, that’s until it gets in their way When I say I’m working, but I’m not at an office – problem. When I’m unavailable for their whims on their days off – problem. I’m struggling to find the balance between what I need to do and making time to be social. Not to mention the guilt threshold – you know the point at which your well deserved turns too fun and you remember the mountain of work that awaits you.

The bottom line is being an entrepreneur is a whole other experience, especially when it’s not full time. It’s not a 9-5 and it can be difficult to explain why Sunday simultaneously is and is not an off day for me. How I can be home and busy working at the same time. Why I treat what looks like a hobby like a job. It’s not difficult to find a guy who claims to understand, but harder to find one who actually does. 

Jay-Z B-Sides

The highlight of my weekend was absolutely Jay-Z’s B-sides show for Tidal. I’m a pretty big Jay fan and I got my complete life off the show. I’ve seen him live a couple of times and it was nice to hear some of the songs I’ve never heard at a show. I will admit I didn’t know EVERY song but I knew the vast majority of them. It was so dope to hear my favs off Reasonable Doubt like “Friend or Foe” and “22 twos,” and ANYTIME American Gangster is in the mix, I’m 100% here for it, although I was mad he didn’t play “Party Life” all the way out. The most amazing for me was “Allure.” I love that damn song. It was also amazing to see the Roc fam reunited and JEEZY!!! Anyway, if you have a cool 2 hours laying around, watch this and prosper!!

(I’m pretty sure this link will get snatched, so WATCH IT SOON!!!)

No More Room

“Your departure’s long overdue now… Loneliness its time that I let you go. No more roooooooom in my life… for yoooou dear.”

Only a few good things come from my emotional crises. A clean house and Emily King. My emotional crises generally stem from anxiety which leaves me feeling very out of control and causes problems with my sleeping which makes me less in control the next day. I think they call that a cycle. If I’m lucky, I’m close enough to the weekend so that I get a reset and sleep and feel better within a couple days. But this last time, my trigger was on a Monday. Fuck my life and everyone around me, right? By Wednesday I was feeling so out of control that I only wanted to control the controllables. The one thing I can control is my space. I found myself up in the middle of the night, with work imminent no doubt, sipping Bedtime Tea, listening to Emily King and cleaning. That, friends, is a silver lining. I felt incredibly empowered in that moment. Emily was telling loneliness to get the fuck on and I was symbolically clearing my mind and actually cleaning my space.

NOT TODAY SATAN!!!

So I’m trying to live right, a high calling to which I’ve not always ascribed. Trying to let old shit go, and generally get the fuck on with my life. But of course, it’s never quite that easy. I hadn’t talked to my Big in a few months and had been happy to skip along into new shit. THEN the ever busy devil brought him back to my doorstep. I knew he would. He always does. I was awaiting his arrival, but he didn’t seem to be coming. But THE SECOND I let my guard down, up he showed. Maybe it was an isolated occurrence… I don’t know. The one thing of which I’m 1000% sure – I’m not in the damn mood.